Almost Doesn't Count (David)

[Anastacia Potter]

Sunday 23rd May 2010 - 11:23pm

Stacey lay in bed, breathless from the love making session with David. Normally she enjoyed it, but lately it had been feeling like a chore. She looked away from where David laid beside her, and fell into her own thoughts. Stacey had so wanted to have another baby, so when the time came, back on the twenty-sixth of March, she was all for trying with David. She loved him more than anything, and wanted a child with him. Ebony was more or less David's now, well had been ever since they had been together, but one that was half of him was just the thing.

Stacey thought she might have fallen pregnant pretty fast, like how she seemed to have with Ebony, though she now wondered. It has now been just over two months, and nothing. Not a single niggle to say that she might be pregnant with David's baby. When she was late with her period, Stacey instantly bought a pregnancy test, but nothing. The first time she just shrugged it off, but the second time she just felt disheartened. Felt like there was nothing she couldn't do to keep herself all good to go for David to help her get pregnant.

And now she wondered with all the worrying over it, that it was probably stopping her all together. She turned slightly to look at David, feeling a bit more calmer after it, and gave him a bit of a smile. Stacey then just blinked a little, then from the baby monitor Stacey heard Ebony crying. "I'll go and get her. Probably due for a change or something." She got up and went into Ebony's nursery, and picked her up. "Hey, what's wrong Ni Ni? Thinking too much like mommy?" As soon as Stacey said that she knew that David would be able to hear that. She took in and then let out a breath, and rocked Ebony back to sleep, as it seemed that she had just woken up for no reason.

Stacey put Ebony back in her cot, and headed back to the bedroom. She slowly slipped in beside David, and just lay there, looking at the ceiling. Stacey didn't comment on what she had said to Ebony, hoping that he wouldn't comment, but really he had no idea what she was thinking about, or maybe he did, and she waited for the ambush to start.

[david]

When Stacey had made it known that she wanted to have another baby, David’s baby he had been stunned at her announcement so soon after giving birth to Ebony and he had showed some reservations due to the fact that she had a bad delivery with Ebony. David soon said that he wasn’t saying no just concerned for her safety and had suggested they find out from a doctor if it would be safe for them to try. They were told as David thought they might to wait a few weeks and the soon as that date came he and Stacey had enjoyed their first love making session so much. Now they had just had another session and David was lying catching his breath as was Stacey. David knew how much having another baby meant to Stacey and the fact that after two months and Stacey hadn’t said she was pregnant yet he knew that she would be getting frustrated.

David was a little disappointed himself but as far as he was concerned Ebony was his and treated her as such and loved her as such, so as far as David was concerned having a baby with Stacey was just the icing on the very tasteful cake they already had. He hadn’t been around in Stacey’s life when she fell pregnant with Ebony so he wasn’t sure how fertile she was but the fact that she had gotten pregnant on a one night stand with an old college friend made him wonder if it was possible he had a problem himself, although really two months was maybe not enough time to go on to determine that kind of information. But he knew that if nothing was said and nothing was done that Stacey would continue to grow frustrated and it might inevitably lead to arguments between them and he didn’t want that.

When Stacey turned to him and gave him a bit of a smile he could see through it, Stacey really wasn’t happy and even he had to admit that their love making sessions weren’t just quite as enjoyable, it was almost as if they were doing it on cue. However, David gave her a smile back and then Ebony’s cries were head on the baby monitor and Stacey said she would go and see to her. “Okay honey.” David replied although he wouldn’t have bothered going to see to her. He soon heard Stacey’s voice talking to Ebony calling her Ni Ni, the nickname that Stacey seemed to have given to Ebony and he couldn’t help but smile. Then he heard what Stacey said next asking Ebony if she was thinking too much like mommy. David knew that Stacey would be letting it get to her, but he couldn’t deny that it was getting to him a little as well.

Soon enough Stacey was back in the bed beside him and as he turned he saw her looking up at the ceiling. He turned to her and used a hand to brush some of her hair to the side and then gave her a weak smile. “I heard what you said to Ebony and I have a fair idea what you’re thinking about as I’ve been doing a bit of it myself. You’re frustrated that you aren’t pregnant yet, right? It’s only been two months, sometimes it can take women a lot longer than that to get pregnant, but I hate to see you like this, so, if you want we can see about making an appointment at the hospital tomorrow to talk to a doctor about it, maybe get some tests done?” David asked as he then used his hand to caress her arm waiting to see what she would have to say to what he suggested. He wasn’t for one minute suggesting that Stacey had a problem when he spoke of the tests, he was just saying it in general.

[Anastacia Potter]

After attending to Ebony, Stacey had come back to bed. Just laying there in bed, she just wanted some quiet, but also knew that if David had inevitably heard what she said, she knew that he might comment. Stacey rested her hands on her stomach, and let out a quiet breath. She soon felt David turn in the bed, and brush some hair away to the side. Stacey swallowed a little, glancing to the side, but not really looking him right in the eye.

David soon spoke, and hearing what he had to say first, made Stacey blink just once, but still looking up at the ceiling. Then hearing him question her about if she was frustrated that she wasn't pregnant was like hitting the nail on the head. You know me too well, she thought, and bit on her bottom lip a little. Stacey had thought that when she got pregnant straight away with Ebony, that it might happen again. Though after the two months, she had wondered why it wasn't so this time. David spoke more, adding that he hated to see her like this, and made a suggestion to go to the hospital tomorrow to basically see what was happening.

Stacey swallowed again, and started to feel her emotions get the better of her once again. She felt David caressing her arm with his hand, and all Stacey could do was close her eyes, and feel a single tear run down her face. Stacey slowly moved her arm from under his touch, and slowly sat up in bed, swinging her legs over to the edge. She stared out the window, and felt another tear fall. She finally found her voice, "I just wanted..." Stacey then quickly placed her face in her hands, and began to cry. But as soon as she started, she quickly willed herself to stop.

Stacey got up, and turned to face David, feeling other emotions surface now. She could hear a slight anger in her voice, and she hated being like that. She especially hated being like this with David, who she truly loved more than anything. Stacey began to pace as she spoke, "All I wanted was to have your baby, but it seems the universe is telling me to fuck off!" She stared at David, but then instantly felt bad for going off like that in general. Stacey quickly crawled back into bed, and laid on her stomach, looking at David with her head propped up in her hand, elbow resting on the mattress. "I am sorry. I guess you are right about me being frustrated. I guess I just need to take a chill pill."

Stacey gave him a weak smile, then moved her head from her hand, and laid it on the pillow, moving her body to face David. "I guess we can go and see what is happening with us both. Maybe I am stopping it, you know, by stressing and worrying about it. I need to just relax and let it happen." Though for Stacey that was a bit too hard sometimes. Stressing and worrying was just part of of her nature unfortunately, branching off from her own mother.

[david]

After David had heard Stacey speak through the baby monitor and she had come back to bed he had turned and brushed some of her hair away. He noticed her glance but not really look at him and he wondered if she was silently mad at him for her not being pregnant yet. She had obviously gotten pregnant very easy with this Jake person that time, so it was inevitable that she may be silently blaming him for her not being pregnant yet this time. However it didn’t happen that easily all the time and Stacey had since given birth already so to David he couldn’t help but think there could be a few reasons why she wasn’t pregnant yet.

David soon began to question her and he wondered if he was even going to get any response from her at all. She just seemed to be staring at the ceiling and all he saw her do was blink once and then saw her bite on her bottom lip when he had spoken about her being frustrated. He liked to think that he knew how Stacey’s mind worked well enough by now. But still he got nothing and he then began to caress her arm with his hand but that didn’t seem to be received well when he felt her move her arm from under his touch and then he watched as she sat up on the edge of the bed. She then began to talk but didn’t finish her sentence and David could see what it was doing to her.

She then moved her hands to cover her face and all he wanted to do was to take her in his arms and hug her but right now he just wasn’t sure that she would let him do that. He then watched as she got up and turned to face him and the look on her face him feel so sad for her, he had wanted Stacey to fall pregnant too. Sure he had adopted Ebony and looked to her as his own but it would have been great for them to actually have their own as well. She then began pace as she spoke and the words made him blink a few times. “I am sure getting upset like that won’t be helping the issue either honey and I can understand your frustration I want this baby with you too you know.” David replied sounding a little down and a little hurt, he wanted her to know that it wasn’t just affecting her it was affecting him just as much.

If it weren’t for the fact that Stacey soon made her way back to the bed he would have stood up to try and talk to her and console her. She lay on her stomach and turned to face him with her hand propping her head up. Stacey soon apologised saying she guessed her was right and she should take a chill pill. David sighed gently and then replied to her, “I don’t know if a chill pill is going to take this away from you Stacey but there are other things we can do about it as it’s obviously affecting you a lot.” David said and then he had gone on to mention about making an appointment for the following day to go and get some tests done. Stacey shifted her position and gave him a weak smile and he returned it and used his hand to caress her arm again.

“Well worrying and stressing might not be helping, but we should maybe try and get to the root of the problem, so I think getting some tests done is the right thing to do.” David took in a breath and continued, “I know that worry and stress is a part of who you are and despite saying about stopping I know you will find it hard, so the best way to stop you from feeling like that is to get some answers.” David then looked up at the ceiling himself because taking into consideration how quickly she had fallen pregnant with Ebony that there was a very high chance that he could be the one with the problem and he wondered if he was, if that would do anything to their relationship or not. He didn’t know if he should bring it up or not, but figured that it wouldn’t do any harm.

“You know, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking and before we even get tests carried out, I just have this awful feeling that I’m the problem. You fell pregnant so easily with Ebony and now look, I know I said before it can take a women a few months to get pregnant but you’re still fairly young, so I think it might be me and if it is, I can only say that I am so very sorry.” David stopped caressing her arm thinking that she might not be too happy with it right then after his revelation and instead put both his hands behind his head and just continued to stare at the ceiling. Could this be the beginning of the end?

[Anastacia Potter]

When Stacey had started to pace and talk about what she was feeling, she had heard the anger in her voice, and hated it. She had then heard David speak to her, and she went to open her mouth to snap at him, just wanting to get herself heard about it all. She just wanted to say that she knew getting upset wasn't going to help the issue, but it was helping her get her frustrations out. Unfortunately he was in the firing line. On the other hand, she also wanted to have this baby of his, and knew that worrying and getting frustrated wasn't going to make it go faster.

She finally made her way back to the bed, and spoke to David, apologising. Stacey knew what David said in reply to the truth, and she nodded slightly. She swallowed a little, knowing that it was affecting her more than he knew. He had then mentioned about making an appointment for the next day, getting some tests done. Stacey had moved position in the bed, and he returned her weak smile, soon feeling his touch on her arm again. David spoke more, and again Stacey nodded. "Okay. I agree to that then tomorrow." David then said that he knew that worry and stress was part of her, adding that the best for her to stop would be to get some answers.

Stacey saw David look at the ceiling then, wondering what he was thinking. She moved closer to him and rested her hand on his chest, and her chin on her hand. "Okay. So first thing in the morning I will call Dr. Cavarna's office and make an appointment. And once we speak with him, we can go from there. Deal?" Now it was like she was trying to get him to do what he had suggested already. Stacey sighed a little, "But I guess with everything with Dom, it probably set me back a bit as well." That day and the following after that did kind of mess with her a lot, and for all she knew that was part of it as well.

Stacey rested her head on the side on her hand now, looking at David, who was still looking at the ceiling. She was about to ask him what he was thinking, when he spoke. Stacey just kept the same position, listening to what he was saying to her. She wondered what he was getting at at first, then as he was finishing, saying that the problem might be him, she frowned a little. Stacey felt him stop touching her, and she slowly sat up next to him, looking at him. He wasn't looking at her, and she wanted him to right now. "David, hun, please don't say that. For all you know there might be a hidden answer in me after having Ebony. All that happened that day may have caused an underlying problem. Please don't blame yourself."

Stacey then slowly laid back in bed, keeping close to David, and wrapped her arm across his chest. Now that she was thinking rashionally, she did wonder who was holding them back from having this baby that they both apparently wanted so much. Maybe it was her with all the worrying, and also with having trouble after having Ebony. But then it could be David, but had no idea what might be wrong with him. He was fit, healthy, just like herself, so what the hell was going on. She let out a breath, trying to stop herself from worrying and thinking so much.

**** 2 hours later ****

Stacey had managed to drift off to sleep after the conversation with David. The talk had kept her somewhat calm, and after a few minutes of tossing and turning she fell asleep. Though during this time she had had a dream:

Stacey lay in a hospital bed, about to give birth. David was beside her, and was there for encouragement as always. An interesting looking woman came into the room, and began to do voodoo on her stomach. "Leave me alone!" Stacey screamed out in pain at the next contraction, and the person who was delivery the baby told her to push. She did with all of her might, and then felt that the baby had come out. Though no cries were heard. Stacey looked quickly at David, who was n longer there. "David?!?!?!" The the nurse handed her the baby, and looking into the blanket, there was nothing in there.

Stacey shot up in bed, letting out a loud gasp. Beads of sweat on her forehead and face, and chest heaving from what she just dreamed. The whole dream, or nightmare, was so real, and as Stacey fell back on her pillow, she was scared for what might happen when they get tests done. What if they could never have children? Was that what the nightmare was telling her?

[david]

When David had suggested making an appointment to go for some tests the following day he wasn’t sure how Stacey would react to it but he was happy that she seemed to agree. David gave her a weak smile, “I’m glad, because we could end up worrying over nothing.” He replied and yet something at the back of his mind was already beginning to niggle away at him thinking that he could be the one with the problem and not Stacey but decided not to say anything about it, for now.

When David began to stare at the ceiling he felt Stacey move closer to him and soon felt her hand on his chest, that single touch alone making his heart beat slightly faster just like every touch from Stacey always did to him. Soon enough Stacey began to talk again basically telling him what she was going to do in the morning with regards to making an appointment. David sighed gently and turned to glance at her, “That sounds like a plan to me.” He felt as if he was distancing himself from her slightly as normally when she rested her hand on his chest he would put one of his over hers, but right now with the other thoughts going through his mind he couldn’t help but to lie with his hands behind his head.

Stacey then spoke some more saying that everything with Dom had probably affected her too. Well the counsellor in David knew that could very well be a contributing factor but he still couldn’t stop thinking that he might be to blame. If he was to blame, what would become of them if he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted the most? Then it was like he heard what Stacey said about Dominic all over again and realised he hadn’t answered her or said anything about it. “It’s possible I guess.” He replied and as he continued to think that he might be the one with the problem he was also trying to think what he might be doing to cause it. If there would be anything he could do to help the situation but he was young and fit and healthy. He didn’t smoke and he didn’t drink excessively, he had never taken drugs and so he honestly couldn’t think of a reason why he could have a problem except there must be as Stacey had clearly gotten pregnant fairly quickly before.

David knew that he had been quiet with his thoughts for way too long and as much as he didn’t want to tell her what was on his mind, at the same time he didn’t like keeping anything from her. So not even looking at her he told her what he had been thinking wondering if she would get angry or blow up at him. He had stopped touching her arm as he had a feeling that she wouldn’t have liked what he had said to her. He soon felt her move slightly and he could feel that she was looking at him and he knew that she would want him to look at her but he couldn’t. When Stacey spoke she was telling him not to say that and not to blame himself as there could be other reasons stopping her since Ebony’s birth. Still looking up at the ceiling he let out a frustrated sigh, “If that was going to be the case they would have said that you might have problems getting pregnant in the future and they never.” Something deep down was telling him that this was going to be entirely his fault.

When Stacey moved to lay back in bed again David shifted his position so that he was laying down more and not sitting up as much but kept his hands behind his head for now. He soon felt Stacey wrap an arm across his chest and a part of him wanted to just take her into his arms but he couldn’t get the thought out of his head that if he were to blame that her dreams would be dashed and why would she want to stay with him when he couldn’t give her a child. David continued to lie looking at the ceiling unsure if he’d be able to settle at all.

**** 2 hours later ****

David had no idea when he had fallen asleep but he figured that he must have at some point eventually because when he felt Stacey move suddenly and let out a gasp it woke him up. Maybe he had only just begun to fall asleep and was in his subconscious state. He wasn’t sure what to do or say as a part of him was still worried about what they would find out when they got some tests carried out. But he sat up and put his arm around her shoulders and brought her close to him as he kissed the side of her head, “Had a bad dream? And I bet I know what it was about too.” He said softly and then with his free hand he put it up to his head and went back to his earlier thinking.

He then decided to speak to her, “Stacey, if it is me and I can’t give you what you want the most, you have to know that it’s going to kill me.” He said and then giving her another kiss on the side of the head he moved and sat on the edge of the bed picking up his underwear and slipping them on to hide his modesty, he got up and made his way into the living room, not even turning on the light and walked right out onto the conservatory patio and sat down on the swing seat with his head in his hands. If it did turn out that he was to blame, he would have no alternative but to let her go, he couldn’t stop her from having what she wanted the most despite how much he loved her.

[Anastacia Potter]

Stacey gave David a weak smile when he said that it sounded like a plan to him. She noticed that he just glanced at her, like she did to him moments ago. Stacey knew that something was wrong, as normally he would instantly touch her when she touched him in anyway. But nothing, and again the worrying started. Just seeing him with his hands behind his head, made her wonder if she had said something or did something wrong.

Stacey had mentioned the fact that what happened to Dom might have been affecting her too. He didn't say anything, and she bit on her bottom lip a little. She was going to mention it again, when David said that it's possible he guessed. Stacey knew she could be reading too much into it, but she felt that he wasn't really listening to her, which was kind of irritating her inside. She had then rested her head on his hand, and soon he spoke to her. He never looked at her as he spoke, and that was another thing that she had notived that he hadn't done before. Normally David always looked at her when he was talking to her.

Stacey moved off of him, and spoke about what he just said. It was starting to eat her up inside with him not looking at her, and she stopped her self from getting into his face, and making him look at her when she spoke, or he spoke to her. David soon replied to what she said, and Stacey sighed gently, feeling completely useless now. She had nothing else to say at all now. What else could she say? It felt to her that he had made up his mind that he was in fault over it, so she moved position in bed, watching David move down into the bed. She then wrapped an arm around him, but again felt him not touch her. Stacey then thought about it more, but soon stopped herself from worrying about it all.

**** 2 hours later ****

That nightmare was just too real for Stacey's liking, and as she sat up with it, trying to calm herself down, she felt the bed move. She ran a hand through her hair, and then let out a breath, composing herself. An arm went around her shoulders, which made her close her eyes for a second, just as he kissed the side of her head. The touch that she had been after before nodding off to sleep was there now, just when she needed it the most. She was now close to him, and nodded, when he asked if she had a bad dream. Stacey wiped at her face, and then heard what he said next.

Again the topic came up, and Stacey didn't know if she had the energy to talk more about it, hoping that they could just sleep on it and talk in the morning. When David said her name, she turned to look at him, and then whe he spoke, all she could do was to look at him with no expression on her face. She wished he wouldn't blame himself before anything like tests were done. They had no idea what was going on till then. He gave her another kiss on the side of the head, and Stacey watched him moved away from her. Soon enough he had his underwear on and had left her in the bedroom alone.

She flopped back onto the pillow, and just closed her eyes. Her thoughts went to the situation again, and then the nightmare she had. Through her closed eyes a tear, then two, escaped down her cheek. The words of David rang in her head 'if it is me, and I can't give you what you want the most, you have to know it's going to kill me.' Stacey rolled over in the bed, and placed her outstretched arm out onto David's empty side of the bed. She ran her hand along the sheet, and whispered to herself, "And it's going to kill me if you leave me."

Stacey closed her eyes again but she wasn't tired, so she got up, and wrapped her dressing gown around herself, and then slowly made her way out of the bedroom. She was unsure where David went, but she first stopped off at Ebony's nursery, and saw that she was fast asleep. Stacey then quietly left her, and headed towards the lounge room. No one there, and there were no lights on. Stacey's heart began to beat a bit faster, as she began to worry where David was. If he had gone out somewhere, then he wouldn't have gotten very far in just his underwear. Stacey decided to try out on the patio, and as she opened the door quietly, there she saw David on the swing. She quietly closed the door, after making sure it wasn't going to lock, then slowly made her way over to David.

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "David, please come inside. I hate to see you like this." Stacey extended her hand out for him to hopefull take, so they could talk about it more. She knew that neither of them would sleep now till they spoke more. Stacey knew that it would be playing on her mind until they talked.

[david]

{ooc - Started from the 2 hours later as I don't see anything that David can really respond to before it}

**** 2 hours later ****

When Stacey had woken from her bad dream David’s natural instincts toward her kicked in and he put an arm around her shoulders bringing her close to him. Despite the thoughts going through his head, just holding her like that it made everything disappear for a few seconds, like everything was back to normal. He knew deep down that he shouldn’t get worked up over it all until they knew for sure what was going on, it would be the very thing he would say to a patient in his care at one of the counselling sessions but the constant niggle at the back of his mind that he could be the one stopping them from getting pregnant was suddenly tearing him apart. He had kissed the side of her head and asked if she’d had a bad dream and she nodded her head.

Of course David couldn’t let the topic drop and had then made a comment about what he thought the dream was about then added that if he was the one with the problem it was going to kill him. Stacey never said anything but then he didn’t really give her much of a choice as after kissing her on the side of the head again he had moved out of the bed and wandered out to the conservatory patio after putting his underwear on. He sat on the swing seat with his head in his hands feeling like he was letting her down. Sure he had adopted Ebony and he loved her like his own, but Stacey wanted his baby and he might not be able to give her one. What kind of a man was that making him?

He had always wanted to be a dad as well, he wanted to make his mother a grandmother and he had lost count the amount of times his twin sisters had said that they couldn’t wait to be aunties. He wasn’t just letting Stacey down, he was letting his whole family down. Yet, here he was thinking the absolute worst when nothing had been confirmed either way. He let out a huge sigh and rubbed at his eyes and that was when he felt the touch of Stacey’s hand on his shoulder. That gentle touch that he loved so much and he couldn’t stop his hand from going up and covering hers with his own. Then he heard her talk to him asking him to come inside and that she hated seeing him like that. He looked up then with his eyes stinging as he tried to stop tears from falling. “I’m sorry, I just, I’m sorry.” He said unable to think of what he wanted to say.

He soon saw Stacey extend her hand and he knew that sitting out here thinking about things that hadn’t even been proven yet wasn’t going to do any of them any good and so he nodded his head a little and took her hand and stood up. He knew that despite the time that he would never sleep until they spoke about this some more. He moved his hand from Stacey’s and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her close to him as he walked the both of them back inside to the living room and turning on one of the stand lamps as he did so. When he reached the sofa he sat down and as his arm was still around Stacey he automatically took her with him. He knew that he had to tell her what was really on his mind as he faced her.

“I love you so much Stacey, you know that and I’m sorry about before but I need you to know what this is doing to me as well as you. I know that there is no point in worrying until it’s been proven and I know that is exactly what I would tell a patient in a counselling session but I just can’t see that it can be anything else. What if I can’t give you the one thing you so desperately want? I always thought when it came time to me having kids that I would have them at a drop of a hat, sometimes wondered if I would be blessed with twins like my mom, now I might not even be able to have one. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I could never stop you from having what you really want Stacey, why would you want to be with me when I can’t give you what you want most in the world?” David explained his voice pained as he was hurting so much.

He had been as honest as he could be with her and unable to look at her anymore he just looked down at the ground but kept his arm around her, still wanting to feel close to her, still needing some sort of connection between them and yet still feeling like he was distancing himself from her, like he didn’t want to be the person that stopped her from having her dream of another child. It seemed that just as they got over one disaster where Dominic almost died, they were hit with another. Yet he was talking like this as if it had already been confirmed. “But I know I shouldn’t talk like this until we get the tests done, I just think a part of me sort of already knows what the answer is going to be.”

[Anastacia Potter]

When Stacey put her hand on David's shoulder, after finding him outside on the swing, she watched his hand come up and cover her own. It was killing her seeing him like this, so sad, and so distant from her right now. She wished she hadn't been wanting this baby so much, and if that had happened for all she knew they could have gotten pregnant a lot faster. But now here they were, and it wasn't going to change one bit. Stacey asked him to come inside, and then he looked up at her, and she could tell that he was really upset, and watched tears fall down his face. She swallowed the lump back that started to form in her throat, and heard what he said. Stacey slowly shook her head a little, just not wanting to be sorry about anything.

Stacey then extended her hand for him to take, and let out a silent sigh when he did take her hand, getting out of the swing. Once he had stood, Stacey felt him let go of her hand, and she looked down at her hand now empty. But then she felt David put his arm around her waist, and this made her a bit more secure about things. Only just a little. He then led them both towards the lounge room, where she hoped that they would be able to talk more about the obvious topic looming over their heads.

When he sat, Stacey sat with him, as his arm was still around her. Stacey looked down at her hands, and then felt him move to look at her. She slowly looked up at David, and waited for what he had to say. When he said that he loved her, saying she knew that, Stacey nodded. She knew that, and she loved him so much too, which is why how he was right now was just breaking her heart. They hadn't had much of a fight since being together, unless you could little disagreements when she was pregnant, but nothing like this at all. Stacey listened to what David had to say, and she blinked a few times, but that was it. Her heart started to race slightly when David said 'what if I can't give you the one thing that you so desperately want?'. This is what she had been thinking about before. If only she hadn't made it known to David, to Dom, that she wanted a baby so desperately. They wouldn't be in this predicament now.

David then continued, and hearing him say that why would she want to be with him when he couldn't give her what she wanted in the world, made her feel a little shaky. What was he saying? Was he thinking of leaving her because he might not be able to get her pregnant? Stacey wanted a baby, sure, but she didn't want this to happen and cost them their relationship. She couldn't bare the thought of not having David by her side. He had been the one who had helped her so much after her break up with Brendan, and now with this, he was going to leave her as well. A tear fell from her eye, but she didn't have the energy to wipe it away.

Stacey opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it, knowing full well if she started to talk, the tears would just fall, and that would be the end of her. She had what she wanted to say in her head, but just couldn't say it straight away. The next thing just started the waterworks for her, as David looked away from her, but she was glad that he didn't remove his arm from her waist. That would just tip her over the edge. After a few seconds, Stacey finally found her voice, feeling that she was okay to talk now. "David, I love you more than anything, and I am glad that you opened up to me..." Stacey wiped at her eyes a little, then continued. "... but you have to know whatever the outcome, I love you. Having you in my life has given me so much stability, more than I have ever had in my life." Stacey placed her hand on his face gently, hoping he would look at her, "If we can't have kids, then I am sure we can find another alternative."

David then said that he shouldn't talk like this until the tests get done, which made Stacey nod. Then he finished off his sentence, and Stacey just shook her head ever so slightly, just wishing that he would just forget what he thinks till it is certain. "Hun, let's just wait okay. Whatever you think is wrong with you, don't, as it could be all in your head." She wondered if that was the right thing to do. Stacey then got up off the lounge, and headed towards the single seater lounge next to the lounge they had been sitting on, and sat down on it. She pulled her legs up, and wrapped her arms around them, staring out the window. Stacey didn't know what else to say or do, it felt like they were just going around in circles. Or maybe it was David who was going around in circles, where he kept coming back to his own conclusion, solving the problem before they were able to get a proper answer.

Stacey sighed a little, then looked over at David, "If you don't mind, I think I am going to go back to bed. I am just exhausted, mentally more than physically." She didn't really wait for an answer, getting up and heading back towards the bedroom. As Stacey headed that way, she wondered if David would follow or not. At this point in time she hoped he would.

[david]

When David had tried to tell Stacey that he was sorry but unable to really form a proper sentence together he saw her shake her head a little as if she was telling him not to be sorry. But how could he not be sorry? He had walked out of the room and made her come out to get him. All of this was affecting Stacey as much as him, in fact it was probably affecting Stacey more since she was the one who would be carrying the child she so desperately wanted. Stacey had then held her hand out for him to take asking him to come inside and he did take the hand and stood up but soon dropped it to put his arm around her instead. He desperately wanted to keep the closeness between them even though a part of him felt like he was distancing himself also and he was beginning to hate himself for that but he couldn’t stop the way he was feeling. He wanted to be wrong, but if he was wrong then did that mean Stacey had the problem? Wouldn’t that then just make her feel even worse? This was doing his head in.

David soon had them inside and sitting down and then basically poured his heart out telling her what was on his mind and why he was acting the way he was. The soon as he had said he loved her and she knew that he saw her nod her head which made him give her a weak smile and then he continued with what he needed her to hear. Stacey didn’t say anything as he spoke and in a way he was kind of glad that she was just letting him say what he felt he had to say. When he had asked her why would she want to be with him when he couldn’t give her what she wanted he instantly regretted it knowing the way Stacey’s mind worked that she was now probably thinking he was going to leave her. He would never do that, he didn’t want to do that, but he wanted to give her the option to leave him if it came to it. He soon saw Stacey crying and this just made him feel even worse, like he was a big ogre causing her all this upset. “I’m sorry honey I didn’t mean to make you cry, please don’t do that. I don’t really know what I’m saying, I’m so full of mixed emotions right now. I guess I just want to give you an out if you wanted it.” David said trying to explain why he had said what he had to her.

Stacey cried anyway making David feel even worse for getting her upset but she was soon able to speak to him and he felt his head nodding as she said she loved him more than anything and that she was glad he opened up to her and then he listened as she continued to talk. What she said next did make sense to David but it was the last lot of words that really got to him. A part of him wanted to agree with her, but the part that wanted to have this baby with Stacey so much couldn’t let him do that. Oh he knew that adopting was rewarding, giving babies a home that were otherwise abandoned by their birth parents, after all hadn’t he found it rewarding adopting Ebony? And didn’t he love Ebony like his own? Of course he did, but he wanted Stacey to have his baby maybe as much as if not more than Stacey wanted to have his baby. “I get what you’re saying Stacey honey I really do, and I know that there is nothing more rewarding than adopting a baby, I was so happy to adopt Ebony, but I wanted this baby with you as much as you do, I just don’t think adopting now would be the same.” David said as he sighed and used his free hand to rub at his temples.

But he still knew that nothing was confirmed yet and really he shouldn’t be getting this wound up until it was, but he was now pretty damned certain he was the reason for Stacey not being pregnant yet. When David then told Stacey that he shouldn’t talk until they got some tests done he saw Stacey nod her head. When Stacey spoke again she told him to wait and whatever it was he thought was wrong it could all be in his head. Well it was all in his head, every single thought about it all was swimming in his head right now. But he knew what Stacey meant and he really didn’t want to have a huge argument with her, his emotions were all over the place as it was right now. “Okay, I’ll try not to think anymore about it until we get some tests done.” He said in a barely audible voice but actually meaning what he was saying.

He then watched as Stacey got up and made her way over to the other seat and for the first time David wondered if Stacey wanted to distance herself from him. He watched how she brought her knees up and then wrapped her arms around them staring out of the window. David sighed a little knowing that he was causing all of this animosity between them right now just because he couldn’t get a single thought out of his head. The silence between them was soon broken when Stacey spoke about going back to bed which made David jump a little as it had been so quiet. He shook his head gently in answer to her asking if he minded if she went back to bed. Then as she finished the sentence he could understand exactly what she meant. David wasn’t sure if he would be able to sleep at all now until they got the results of the tests. He hoped that they would be instant and that they wouldn’t be told to call back the next day or anything, he was just desperate to get some sort of answer.

Stacey then walked out of the room not really waiting for him to say anything even though he had nodded his head at her but he wasn’t even sure if she had noticed or had even cared. He knew he had been distancing himself from her, but the way she left the living room he felt that maybe she was distancing herself from him too. This made him wonder if he should go and join her or just lie down on the three seater sofa he was already sitting on and just sleep there, even though he was pretty certain that he wouldn’t sleep. However he slowly got up, knowing that it would probably make Stacey feel a lot worse if she didn’t feel him next to her despite everything. So he walked slowly through to the bedroom, slipped into the bed and feeling that he had to be close to her after everything that had been said, he wrapped his arm around her holding her close. David did eventually drift off to sleep but he had no idea how long it had taken him.

**** Monday 24th May, 2010 ****

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David must have fallen asleep eventually because when the alarm went off he jumped slightly, he had no idea how much sleep he ended up having, but he found that he didn’t care, he just wanted to get these tests sorted. He got up and showered and was soon dressed and as he made his way down into the kitchen and put the coffee machine on he noticed that it was just getting on for nine in the morning, pretty much the perfect time for getting a hold of the doctor. He quickly made some toast then spread some jam on it and poured his coffee which was now ready. He then sat down on the single seat that was next to the telephone and after he had finished his toast he picked up the phone and dialled the doctor’s number. “Good morning Doctor Savarna, it’s David Callaghan here, I was wondering if it would be at all possible for Stacey and I to come in and see you today.” David said and waited to hear what the doctor would say. “Is there a problem David?” The doctor asked, and David was close to saying yes, me, but he didn’t.

“There might be. Stacey and I have been trying for a baby since the date that you said we could try and well she isn’t pregnant yet. I know that sometimes it can take a few months but with Stacey falling pregnant so easily with Ebony, we just felt we could do with getting some tests carried out on possible fertility problems.” David said and lifted up his coffee and took a few sips of it. “I see. Well I happen to be free all morning, you are welcome to pop in whenever you like.” The doctor said and David let out a sigh of relief, the sooner they got some answers the better as far as he was concerned. “That’s great, well we’ll see you soon, thank you so much.” David hung up on the doctor and then called his mom. “Hi mom, is it possible for you to take Ebony for an hour or two this morning please? Stacey and I would like to see the doctor and it would be easier not to have Ebony with us.” Cassie smiled on the other side of the phone before answering, “I would love to sweetheart. Just drop her off when you’re ready.” David smiled, “Thanks mom.” He then put the phone back into the cradle and lifted up his coffee and took it with him as he went to get Stacey.

He soon found her in the nursery with Ebony naturally, “I’ve just contacted Doctor Savarna, he says we can see him anytime this morning and mom is happy to look after Ebony for us, so really just whenever you are ready to go honey, the sooner we hopefully get some answers the better if you ask me.”

[Anastacia Potter]

When Stacey had started to cry, David apologised, and the last thing he said made her gasped slightly. Hearing him say that he wanted to give her an out if she wanted it made her feel pretty crap inside. Stacey slowly shook her head, not wanting to have an out, a free pass to leave him. She wanted him so much, and right now it seemed to her that she had to either stay with him, or lose him forever, and that would just pull her into the downward spiral that she had lived with after Brendan.

When Stacey had finally spoken to David, she had seen him nod when she said that she loved him, and she had pretty much tried to resolve the situation slightly. She knew that having a baby meant the world to her, but knew that her love could be brought to a baby that her and David could give a home. David soon replied to what she said, as she sat and listened to what he had to say about it. She gave him a very weak smile when he said that he was so happy to adopt Ebony, but hearing him say that he didn't think adopting now would be the same. Stacey slowly nodded, and looked away slightly.

Stacey hadn't meant to say it, but did try to stop him from thinking about whatever he thought was wrong constantly. He replied, and hearing what he said made her sigh slightly. "Okay. Thank you," Stacey said in a quiet voice. Anything above quiet was just too much energy. If they had had an all out fight, she didn't know if she would have the energy to yell at David, let alone walk away from him.

When Stacey asked if he minded, but she was going to go back to bed, stating that she was exhausted, she saw David shake his head. And that was all she saw, as she got up and headed for the bedroom. She lay there, facing the wall on her side of the bed, and just couldn't bring herself to close her eyes. Her mind was racing, and she just wanted it to stop in order to get some sort of sleep. As she took in a breath, trying to calm herself down, Stacey felt the bed move, which made her swallow a little, and wondered if she should close her eyes to pretend she was sleeping. Then an arm came around her, and Stacey sighed at that feeling. She swallowed a little, but felt herself start to cry silently as she tried to sleep.

**** Monday 24th May 2010 ****

Stacey felt like she tossed and turned all night. No sooner had she thought she was asleep, there she was wide awake again. She finally made the decision to just get out of bed, and sit in the chair in Ebony's room. Stacey went in there and saw that Ebony was asleep, so she sat in the chair, and without realising it, she fell asleep. The thing that woke her up next was the light coming through Ebony's small window above her cot. Stacey shifted, and felt like she had slept on wood or something. She slowly sat up, and saw that Ebony was asleep, and wondered if she had slept the whole way through after she had attended to her a few hours ago.

Stacey stood up, and soon heard movements in the house. She slowly made her way to the bedroom, and saw that the bed was empty, and then moved to the bathroom to fresh up a bit, as she knew that she must look a mess. Stacey had a quick shower, and then got dressed what made her feel comfortable right now, and what would hopefully be appropriate with whatever tests had to be done if they were able to get an appointment with Dr. Savarna. In one way Stacey hoped they would be able to, but on the other hand she hoped not, as she was scared to find out what might be wrong with either or both of them.

Once she was done, Stacey made her way back to Ebony's room, and saw that she was awake, and Stacey smiled at her. The first true smile she had presented in the past few hours. "Hey gorgeous girl." Stacey slowly picked her up, and cradled her in her arms. She looked at Ebony, hoping in her mind that she would have another child, just as beautiful as her daughter was. Her mind went back to seeing Ebony as a teenager and was so glad that she had turned out that way. She then wondered how Ebony was in that time, and remembered that she had forgotten to ask if she had any brothers and sisters, mentally slapping herself now for not asking. Stacey then got Ebony ready, giving her a clean nappy, and putting on a pale green dress with short sleeves.

As Stacey picked up Ebony slowly in her arms, she turned at the sound of David's voice. She listened and nodded at that he said. "Okay," there was no real energy in her voice still, and looked down at Ebony. "I will be ready in a minute. Just need to get Ebony's stuff packed up, and just finish getting myself ready." Stacey gave him a bit of a smile, but inside she was just so nervous. She handed David Ebony, and then packed up Ebony's bag. As she moved out of the nursery, Stacey placed the bag near the door, then headed into the bathroom to finish getting ready. After a few moments, Stacey grab her bag, then headed out to the door. "All good to go now David." Stace picked up Ebony's bag, and headed out the door before David.

[david]

When David had told Stacey that he wanted to give her an out if she wanted it he heard her gasp slightly and he immediately felt terrible for having said the words to her, but his emotions were fired up right now and it was possible for him to say anything when he was like that. Obviously his words had shocked her as she didn’t even say anything just shook her head. He looked down at his feet then, “I’m sorry honey, and I didn’t really mean that, I don’t want to lose you.” David said in a soft barely audible voice because he felt like he was going to break down into tears at any moment and David wasn’t your average over emotional guy, but the thought of not being able to father children was emotional for him as it was making him feel like less of a man.

After David said that he had been so happy to adopt Ebony but didn’t think adopting would be the same now he saw Stacey nod her head and then look away. He knew that she was trying to make him feel better about the way he was feeling and he loved her for doing that but inside he was dying and somehow it just didn’t seem enough, he wanted to have this baby with Stacey.

When David said that he would try and stop thinking about it until they got some tests carried out he heard Stacey say okay and thank him. He just gave her a weak smile and nodded his head in acknowledgement. Then Stacey spoke about going back to bed as she was exhausted and David just nodded his head and almost decided to sleep on the sofa but ended up in the bed with her putting his arm around her and heard her sigh a little as he did so.

**** Monday 24th May, 2010 ****

David had woken fairly early because he was desperate to phone the doctor to see about getting an appointment to get tests carried out. So after eating his breakfast he had made a phone call and was soon told that they could pop in anytime that morning and he had then organised for his mom to take Ebony for the hour or two that they would be away. He had then made his way into the nursery to let Stacey know the outcome of the telephone calls. He saw her nod her head and then she simply said ‘okay’. The emotions of last night still clear in her voice despite David trying to not let it get to him as much now as he did last night.

Stacey then spoke some more saying she just had to get Ebony’s stuff packed up and then finish getting ready. “Okay honey, he’s free all morning, so there’s no immediate rush.” Stacey had given him a bit of a smile and he returned it although inside he was dying because he was nervous as hell at what they would find out. He was going to insist that he got tested first because he was adamant that it was him and why put Stacey through tests if it wasn’t necessary? Stacey soon handed Ebony to him and he took her and cuddled into her bouncing her up and down slightly with him. “Hey sweetheart, how’s my gorgeous little princess.” He said as he gave her a kiss on her nose and then her cheek making her give off her baby giggle. “Daddy just loves you.” He said and then to himself he added, and he wants to give you a brother or sister so much.

Once Stacey put Ebony’s bag down by the door she went into the bathroom to finish getting ready and David made his way out to the hallway knowing that Stacey wouldn’t or shouldn’t be too much longer. She was soon heading toward the door and picked up Ebony’s bag and then said she was good to go but not really waiting for him as she made her way out of the door. “Okay then.” He said after her even though she might not hear him. Keeping Ebony safe in one arm he shut the door and locked it and made his way to the car. He soon had Ebony in her baby capsule in the backseat of the car and then made his way round to the front and headed in the direction of his mom’s house which would only take about five or ten minutes.

Once he pulled up outside his mom’s he jumped out, grabbed the baby capsule out of the car and the bag and ran up path and then the steps and rang the doorbell. His mom opened it and gave him a bright smile. “Is anything wrong? I mean why you have to go to the doctor?” Cassie asked, David shrugged slightly and gave her a weak smile, “I don’t know, maybe, but I don’t really want to talk about it right now mom, I’ll let you know later.” He said and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Thanks for looking after Ebony for us.” He then made his way back to the car and was soon heading in the direction of the hospital where they would get to see Doctor Savarna.

About twenty minutes later David had them at the hospital, he wasn’t driving particularly fast but he was definitely eager to find out what the hell was going on. He got out of the car and made his way round and opened the passenger door for Stacey, despite everything he still had his gentlemanly manners. Once Stacey was out he closed the door and turned on the alarm and then held his hand out for Stacey to take. They might be a bit shaky just now but he figured with what they were hopefully going to find out that they would need each other’s support now more than ever before. He soon got them to the reception desk, “We’re here to see Doctor Savarna he said we could just come in, is he free just now?” David asked and she gave him a smile, “I’ll just check. “ She then called through to the doctor and David saw her nodding and smiling. She put the phone down, “You can go right through.” David smiled, “Thank you very much.”

He then walked Stacey and himself to the door of Doctor Savarna and knocked on it once, “Come in.” Came the voice behind the door and David opened it and allowed Stacey to step inside first before following and closing the door behind them. Once Stacey was sitting down David joined her and then decided to get right to the point. “As you know from my phone call earlier we think we might be having some problems, we aren’t sure where the problem is lying but I would appreciate it if you tested me first.” David said and the doctor nodded his head. “If that is what you would like, then that is not a problem, I assume when you say you want to get tested first with the word fertility problems earlier that you want to find out if your sperm is fertile or not?” David nodded his head slowly.

The doctor then reached to a drawer behind him and brought out a specimen cup and handed it to David. “I’ll need a sample of your sperm then. If you take this cup and turn to the right and at the bottom of the corridor there is a room where you can produce it, it should be free just now. I’ll just have a talk with Stacey while you do that.” David nodded his head, took the cup and then gave Stacey’s hand a gentle squeeze and went to do what he needed to do to find out if he was indeed the problem.

While David was gone Doctor Savarna looked at Stacey and gave her a smile, “So how are you feeling yourself Stacey since Ebony’s birth? Are you keeping well? There have been no changes in your period flow at all?” He asked as any minor changes that Stacey could be aware of could also be a contributing factor to fertility issues. The doctor waited for Stacey to answer his questions and about ten minutes had passed when there was a knock on the door and David walked in with the specimen cup about half full. He handed it to the doctor, “Will that be enough?” He asked and the doctor smiled, “That should be enough. I’ll just take it to the lab and ask them to call me through with the results. I’ll be back soon.” With that the doctor left the room and David took Stacey’s hand again, “Are you alright?” He asked wanting to make sure that she wasn’t getting herself too wound up over everything.

[Anastacia Potter]

When David had said all that stuff to her, Stacey was just shocked. Hearing herself gasp a little, just made her feel all shaky, and just didn't want to think about what he was suggesting. She had no words to express, and soon she saw David look down at the ground, and say quietly that he was sorry, and he didn't want to lose her. Stacey could feel herself shaking slightly, and she just wanted him to know that she didn't want to lose him either. Her chest started to heave a little, knowing what was to come next, but she controlled her tears as much as she could.

**** Monday 24th May 2010 ****

Once David had taken Ebony, Stacey got Ebony's bag ready. Without looking, Stacey listened to what David said to Ebony. She placed the usual things in the bag, and hearing David say to Ebony 'daddy just loves you', made Stacey swallow a bit, then sigh silently. Her mind went to what they were trying to achieve, and hoped that today's appointment might give them the necessary answers they were both obviously looking for. Stacey got the rest of the bag packed, and then placed it at the door, soon getting herself ready. Once she was ready, Stacey had said she was ready, and picked up Ebony's bag, and headed out the door before David. Once they were all in the car, they were soon heading in the direction of Cassie's house, where Ebony would stay for a few hours, or two, as Stacey hoped it wouldn't take that long.

Stacey was grateful that David had gotten out to take Ebony up to his mum's. She didn't think that she would be that great right now with company, despite Cassie being pretty much family. Stacey turned around to watch them both at the door, and she saw David shrug, making her wonder what Cassie had asked him. The way he had quickly kissed her made her think he just wanted to get away from whatever she had asked. Stacey felt bad for not confiding in Cassie about the situation, but really right now it was just between her and David.

The car ride felt like a lifetime to Stacey, but soon they were there. David opened her door, and Stacey slowly got out. She took David's hand, and then wrapped her other arm around his arm. Stacey then walked with David to where they had to go, and each step just make her heart beat faster. At the reception desk, Stacey was grateful that David was able to speak, because she didn't think that she would have been able to, without getting a little emotional. Not talking right now was keeping her in check. Soon they were told that they could go in to see Doctor Savarna.

They were soon told to come in, and Stacey gave Daniel the best smile she could, despite the circumstances. Once seated, David spoke for the both of them, and as he did, Stacey glanced at Daniel, but at the same time bit on her bottom lip every now and then, just feeling her heart racing, knowing that whatever the outcome was, it wasn't going to be good. Stacey hated having these feelings, but it was not playing well inside her. She turned to look at David, when he said that he wanted to be tested first. Thinking about what David said about him having the problem, she wondered if him going first was more for his benefit then hers, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt. Daniel soon replied, and then handed David a cup to get a sample of his sperm. Stacey watched David get up with the cup, and then he took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She gave him a bit of a smile, then she was alone with Daniel.

She gave him a weak smile, then Daniel shot some questions at her. Stacey shifted in her seat, and soon found her voice, which was a little shaky at first. "I am have been going fine, and nothing really seems to have changed much. I have been feeling great, and doing well with Ebony. I haven't noticed much change with my period at all, pretty much back to how it was before I was pregnant I think. Maybe it could be slightly heavier over the second and third days, but it does vary. Nothing that has really concerned me." Stacey looked down at her hands, and had a thought. "Maybe we are trying too hard with this. With trying to get pregnant." Stacey then began to get upset. She wiped at her eyes, looking at Daniel, "I'm sorry. I hate not knowing." Stacey took a few deep breaths, and Daniel handed her the tissue box, which she nodded at and pulled a couple out. She wiped at her eyes, and heard what Daniel said next. "Worrying and being stressed over what you want to happen won't help Stacey. If you are trying to hard, maybe take a couple of nights off with having sex. But let's just see how it goes okay?"

Stacey nodded as David came back, and she wiped at her eyes, hoping that he wouldn't notice too much that she had been crying. It was soon said that what David had produced would be enough, and Daniel left them to take the sperm to get tested. Stacey followed him to the door with her eyes, then slowly turned back, feeling David's hand in her own. He soon asked her if she was alright, and this question made her bite on her bottom lip a little. Stacey slowly nodded, then turned the nod to a shake of her head. "I will be alright when we know what is happening." Stacey lent her head on his shoulder and then sigh slightly, knowing that she wanted the day to be fast forwarded so that they knew what was going to happen.

[david]

Once they had reached the hospital and David had parked, he soon got out and made his way round to open the door for Stacey. When he had taken her hand he soon felt her arm go around his as they made their way into the hospital. It was one of Stacey’s typical ways of embracing him when they walked together and he loved it so much. David was nervous inside as they approached where they needed to go. A part of him still thought he was going to be at fault but another part of him was also hoping that the doctor would say neither of them had a problem and that they might just be trying too hard. At least if it was the latter they could take things at an easier pace and just let nature take its course.

Once inside David soon got to the point with Doctor Savarna just being so desperate to get some answers. He had asked if he could be tested first only because he was adamant that if either of them were going to have a problem it would be him and he wanted to save Stacey from going through unnecessary tests. David was soon given a cup for a sperm sample and as he had left he had taken Stacey’s hand and given it a bit of a squeeze. He saw her give him a bit of a smile and then he left to get the sample.

David had soon come back into the room and had noticed that Stacey had been crying and inside he felt really broken as he knew how much having this baby meant to Stacey. He was going to feel really bad if he was to blame. Daniel then took the sample to get it tested. When he had left the room David had turned to Stacey taking her hand and asking if she was alright although he knew that it was probably a bit of a stupid question right now. He saw her bite on her bottom lip but nodded although David knew with the lip biting action that Stacey wasn’t alright and her nod soon turned to a shake of her head. When she spoke she said she would be alright when they knew what was happening. “I know honey, me too.” He replied and then he felt Stacey lean her head on his shoulder.

Despite the way he was feeling about the possibility of being to blame for the lack of a baby yet his love for Stacey made him react like he always did with her and wrapped his arm around her holding her close and kissed the side of her head gently. “I’m hoping that neither of us have a problem and we get told that we’re just trying too hard.” David said to her, not sure whether he was trying to convince himself or Stacey but either way the words didn’t sit too well with him as he was certain that he was going to find out that it was all down to him. David continued to embrace Stacey in silence until Daniel returned with hopefully some answers for the both of them.

About ten minutes later the door opened as Daniel returned and from the look on his face David knew immediately that there was a problem. He had been around enough medical doctors to know that their facial expressions always gave the answer before they spoke. Daniel sat down and leant forward slightly. “It looks like it was for the best that we tested David first as it means that you don’t have to go through any unnecessary tests Stacey.” Daniel then looked from Stacey to David before continuing with, “I am terribly sorry but you have what we refer to as a low sperm count. This means that although it is not impossible for you to father a child it would mean that the chances of it happening are far smaller. Stacey can still get pregnant by you it may just take a lot longer.” Daniel said and then turned to look at Stacey and gave her an apologetic look.

David knew that he was going to be the one to blame and he hadn’t really heard anything else Daniel had said after the words low sperm count. David had been around medical doctors enough to know and from online information that having a low sperm count meant that it was usually pretty much impossible to have a child. Yes of course they could adopt and he had already adopted Ebony but it wasn’t the same. Stacey had wanted his baby and he was unable to oblige her. Daniel then looked at David with not having any response from him he was a little concerned. “Did you hear what I said David? Are you alright? There are ways that it can be improved although looking at you I can’t see that there would be much. If you are in the habit of wearing briefs you may want to change to looser underwear such as boxer shorts and I would say a healthy diet but I can see looking at you that you are fairly healthy.”

Daniel’s words were just basically going in one ear and out of the other as the news of him being, for want of a better way of putting it, infertile, was driving him insane. He put his head in his hands and rubbed at his temples and then his eyes with his fingers. He then looked up slightly, “I’m sorry Doctor Savarna, I was just letting everything sink in. I had this feeling that it was going to be me. I do follow a healthy diet and I exercise enough and I already wear boxer shorts, so I’m not sure I will be able to do anything to improve the chances and that just makes it all the worse.” He then stood up feeling his emotions getting the better of him and trying desperately not to cry he looked at Stacey, “I’m sorry honey; I just can’t deal with this.” He said and then walked out of the room and made his way to the car as if on autopilot.

However he didn’t quite make it to the car, instead reaching the main doors outside and then just slumped down the wall bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them and with his head leaning on his legs he just began to cry. Stacey wasn’t the only one who had wanted that baby so much, David did too and hearing that he wouldn’t be able to get Stacey pregnant was killing him on the inside.

[Anastacia Potter]

Stacey had nodded, then shook her head, when David has asked if she was okay. He then acknowledged what she had said that she would be alright when they knew what was happening. As she rested her head on David's shoulder, she just felt exhausted, mentally and physically. Then her eyes closed for a brief second when David put his arm around her. Stacey snuggled in a bit, feeling secure and safe right there and then. When David kissed the side of her head, it felt like her fears of what they were going through disappeared, and she murmured slightly.

David soon spoke, and she listened to what he said, and nodded her head. She slowly moved out of his embrace, so that she could look at him. "I hope that is the case. And if it is, I guess I am the one at fault with that." She gave him a bit of a smile, and sighed a little. "If we are trying to hard, I need to back off a bit, and just take it one step at a time." Stacey then lent in and gave David a kiss on the lips, then went back to resting her head on his shoulder.

After a few minutes, Daniel returned, and Stacey instantly turned to face the door. The look on his face made her swallow, and her heart dropped in her chest, knowing whatever it was, it wasn't good news at all. Stacey instantly took David's hand in her own two hands, just wanting to know whatever it was, and if it was bad, that she wanted him to know that she was there for him. Stacey nodded when Daniel mentioned that she didn't have to go through any unnecessary tests. Her heart then began to beat fast as Daniel said he was sorry, and that David had a low sperm count.

Stacey continued to listen to what Daniel had to say, and was relieved and also downhearted. Relieved, because, despite the condition that David had, they could still get pregnant. And downhearted, knowing that it might take a very long time for them to get pregnant. Daniel then gave her an apologetic look, and she gave him a very weak smile. She had so many questions, and wondered if she should ask if there was anything that could be done for her to help David's sperm to reach inside her faster, better. It sounded stupid in her head, so decided to keep it to herself.

Stacey looked at David, and she didn't know what to say or do right now. She moved one hand that was holding his hand, and ran her fingers up and down his arm, "David, sweetie?" It looked to her that he was deep in thought, and she wanted him so much to comment on what was being said, as really what was being said was effecting him personally. Daniel then asked if he was alright, and then spoke of ways to help the situation. Stacey listened to what was said, and knew that David did pretty much all of that, so really there was no need to go over it.

Stacey felt David move his hand out of her hand, and watched him put his head in his hands, massaging his temples. When he finally spoke, Stacey moved her hand to his back, rubbing at it slightly, just wanting him to know that she was there for him right now. David soon replied to what Daniel had suggested, which Stacey knew was correct. Stacey then swallowed, closing her eyes a little, as she watched David get up out of the chair. She looked at David with a sadden expression, and when he spoke, it made her get all emotional, feeling a couple of tears fall, then David was out of the room.

Stacey quickly wiped the tears away, and gave Daniel a weak smile. "Thank you for all you have done. Can I call you later, just after David and I have had a talk?" Daniel nodded, "You have my number, so just when you are ready." Stacey nodded, "Thanks." With that, she got up and headed towards the door, and headed outside, where she guessed David had gone. She walked through the main doors to the hospital, and as she kept walked a few steps, she caught a figure in the corner of her eye, despite them being a bit misty with tears. She turned, and there was David on the ground, head down on his knees.

Stacey ran over, and practically fell to the ground next to David. She wrapped her arms around him, just wanting to be close to him. The tears threatened to fall, but for some reason Stacey was able to keep them at bay, for now. "David, we will get through this okay? It is just a slight bump in the road." She moved her hand to his face, hoping that he would look at her. "Why don't we go home and we can talk about what we can do to help the current situation." She was trying to think of anything that might get them home right now, as Stacey wanted to move away from the hospital right now.