Without All The Excuses [Olivia/Patricia]

[Olivia Fielding]

Sure Olivia knew that she was caught up in her thoughts, and that she was worrying both Patricia and Evelyn, but she could not snap out of it no matter how much she tried. Both of their attempts to cheer her up did not work, as much as Olivia would love for them to she just could not escape the thoughts about Evelyn which were plaguing her mind causing her to wonder how real their relationship was. Where this all had started? She was no sure. Just over time she just started wondering, with all of Evelyn’s excuses and her trying to keep Olivia out of her parents knowledge it was no surprise really though. The end seemed inevitable to Olivia, no matter how much she did not want that. There was nothing to make Olivia really see or realise that Evelyn did not want things to end either, so she just was presuming the worse would happen since actually coming out did not seem like it was an option or likely to happen.

When Olivia got up and left, she barely noticed the response she got from Patricia and Evelyn. She did hear that only Patricia responded though. The lack of response from Evelyn did not help Olivia’s mind which just continued to question everything. She did not know that Evelyn was watching her walk away though, then she may have a psychic related ability but that did not mean she could read minds either. Maybe if she could, then she would know how Evelyn really felt. However, she also did not really want to know just in case there were no feelings as she did not want to be hurt again. Evelyn might have said she was not going to leave again, but that did not mean it was the truth or that Evelyn could not change her mind. At times Olivia also seemed to know things without any explanation as to why, yet that did not seem to apply here, most likely since it applied to something which would affect her.

Inside the bathroom, although it was not the most private place, Olivia found some form of solitude. Here she was just another person in the room; no one who came in knew her or noticed her really. They had no reason to pay attention to her, or wonder what was wrong. She also was now away from Evelyn, so could stop analysing everything she was saying and doing. It was not like Olivia meant to do it, she just could not help but do it now; it seemed to be coming naturally. Cool water, and calm breaths could not really shake the thoughts from her mind though, she knew she should just leave and stop spoiling the night for Patricia. Most likely her parents would not care if she was with someone else, instead of her like Patricia had told them. It was not like she would be leaving Patricia in bad or unsafe hands; Evelyn was a teacher; even if it was only one in a childcare centre she still would have to be a good person. Then Olivia was pretty sure she knew Evelyn, or at least she had known Evelyn up until she had disappeared in December. Now she was not completely sure of anything.

Leaving the bathroom, Olivia made her way back to the table she had left Patricia and Evelyn at. She could see them talking, and she wondered if it was about her. Maybe they were comparing notes and trying to think of a new way to make her cheer up and snap out of her detached mood? Not that it would matter; Olivia had already made her decision. Upon reaching the table she spoke, sharing those plans. “I hope you two do not mind if I just leave. I’m not feeling well, so I think I will just go home.” It was a lie about her not feeling well, but she figured that it was believable; or at least acceptable enough that neither woman would question it.

[auroraruby]

Patricia playing with her straw was more of an unconscious action she sometimes did. She was not sure when she had picked up the habit, or the reason why she did it. Sometimes she just did. She meant nothing by the action, but of course she had no way of knowing that Evelyn had briefly analysed this very action before speaking. Patricia was happy to find that Evelyn felt comfortable to share information with her, particularly information which was in many ways personal and none of Patricia’s business. Yet she could understand that Evelyn would at least know she had no problem with homosexuality, considering she had no problem being near or around either Olivia or Evelyn. Most of Olivia and Patricia’s co-workers who had picked up on Evelyn and Olivia’s relationship seemed fine with it though, and Patricia doubted Evelyn would say those things to just any of them so she did still question to herself why no matter how happy it made her.

In her response, Patricia had not really thought about taking sides, yet once she was done she wondered if Evelyn would think she was taking Olivia’s, since her advice basically could be summed up as being for Evelyn to stop hurting Olivia. She had not meant it that way though, so she hoped not. When Evelyn responded though, Patricia was happy to find that Evelyn seemed to accept the advice as advice, not as something taking Olivia’s side. “You’re welcome.” She smiled; nodding in response to Evelyn’s other words. What more could she say? It was her advice; there was no point in really agreeing that Evelyn should take it. Really it was up to Evelyn if she took it or not.

The conversation was cut short once Olivia returned. Looking up at her co worker, Patricia frowned at her words. It did not surprise her that she wanted to go though. “No, that is fine. I think I will leave too.” She said, accepting Olivia’s excuse although she was pretty sure that what Evelyn said was right and that Olivia was feeling fine; other than worries and concerns over her relationship and for her girlfriend.