Falling From Grace [Lyn/Olivia]

[Evelyn Tierney]

Houston, Texas
June 4th

** Around 8.30am **

A week earlier Evelyn had gone out with Olivia & her co-worker, Patricia. Even though Evelyn didn't really know Patricia, she had agreed to go with them anyway since she had nothing else to do & it would allow her to spend some time with Olivia. Not that it had exactly been the most exciting experience she had had. Olivia had basically given her what could be described as a silent treatment, too caught up in whatever was on her mind to really hold a conversation with or enjoy herself. The night hadn't been a complete waste though. Patricia, of all people, had left Evelyn with a bit to think about while they discussed Olivia's obvious down & distant mood.

Evelyn should have guessed, should have seen earlier, what she had been doing to Olivia. How she could have thought that her plan to keep her relationship with Olivia, while still hiding it all from her parents was going to work for long without hurting people she didn't know. She had seen that it wasn't exactly working. She had felt bad every time her parents called when she was with Olivia. She had felt bad every time she lied to her parents. But she couldn't just tell the voice in her head telling her that she couldn't tell her parents without there being consequences to shut up, it just wasn't that easy. But after what Patricia had said about love being more important than people's opinions Evelyn has spent a week contemplating if she should just take the third option & tell her parents. Her final choice was to call someone she hadn't really had a proper conversation with for years. Her sister, Marion.

Marion was only two years younger than Evelyn, & as children they had been quite close. But when it came time for Evelyn to go to college, she had upset Marion who had begged her to stay for her. It wasn't exactly on purpose, but Evelyn hadn't see Marion since she left. She just was always too busy when Marion would invite her, then when she started hiding things Evelyn hadn't wanted to see any of her family. But then it wasn't exactly like Marion had come to Houston to see her either, so Evelyn couldn't be held to completely to blame. Even if Marion had a young child now.

Hesitating Evelyn dialed Marion's number, wishing she could remove all the fear that was within her. Somehow she hoped that telling Marion would take away at least some of it. Well as long as Marion accepted her anyway. When someone answered, Evelyn was happy to hear that it was her sister, not her brother-in-law who had answered, since she didn't want to have to deal with his mock shock over her calling them. "Marion, hi. It's Evelyn. I know it has been a while since we have spoken, but I was hoping you could give me some advice." Evelyn started the conversation, listening to Marion's response. "Christmas would have been the last time you called, so just over five months. But who is counting? Advice from me? Wow I feel so honoured, especially since you have our parents down the street you could always talk to. You do talk to them right?" Sighing Evelyn rolled her eyes, glad that Marion couldn't see her. "Yeah, no one is counting. Of course I talk to them, frequently. It's a bit hard to escape them. That is actually what I wanted to get some advice on. How to tell them something. Marion please can you sit down & listen to what I have to say with an open mind?"

Evelyn waited for Marion's answering yes before continuing. "You know what they are like, you are probably like them yourself, although not as bad since you know how bad it was living with their strict rules. But I can't keep the fact that I have a girlfriend from them any longer, not without hurting her." Evelyn had to force her words out, finding no relief when she said the words. Marion had made sounds of agreement at Evelyn's first comments, but then took a few minutes to respond to the rest. "Girlfriend? I am presuming you mean romantic by that, & that they have no idea that you have interest in women?" Evelyn could hear that Marion's tone was shocked, but that she was trying to keep an open mind about it, which made her smile. She shouldn't have worried about what her sister thought, & just know that Marion would support her through anything like she did when they were kids. "Yes I do. No they don't. I can't see them reacting in a good way, so I just have no idea how to tell them. Are you ok with it?" This time there was no delay in Marion responding. "Why don't you tell Ma? She was always more understanding & supporting of us. As long as you are happy, I don't care." Evelyn sighed before answering. "I suppose she is. Thanks. I just have to find a way to tell her. Yes I am. Olivia makes me really happy, she is wonderful to be around."

"Good. Is she a doctor, lawyer, or anything else that Mum & Dad would want for you to find?" Evelyn laughed before answering. "No. She is a waitress, so nothing like what they would want. So hopefully the fact that she makes me happy & I love her is good enough." Marion also laughed before responding. "Shame. It could have been a selling point. Sadly I can't help you anymore, have to make breakfast for my men. Don't be a stranger now Evelyn, you can call me whenever you need me, or just want to talk. Let me know how it goes with Ma." "Oh ok. I will try not to be. Bye sis."

** Just before 10am **

After her conversation with her sister, Evelyn had called her mother, telling her she wanted to talk to her alone. Her mother had told her to come over around ten, since her father would be home around 11. Evelyn now found herself at the door to her parent's apartment, waiting for her mother to answer.

When her mother let her in Evelyn got straight to the point, now just wanting to get it over with, despite the still present fear. "Mum sit down please. What I'm going to say may come as a shock, but please remember that I'm happy & that you can't change things." Sure her words probably made no sense, but Evelyn wanted to make those things clear before she said anything.

[lyn]

Fifty-three years earlier Lyn had married a man thinking that it would bring her complete happiness for the rest of her life. From that marriage Lyn had been twice blessed with two beautiful daughters. She had thought they had lived a happy life. But slowly she found that each of them were slipping away from her. First her eldest daughter had left and lost her way at college. Next she lost her other daughter to her own marriage and life. But it was not until she had come with Maxwell to this place that she had lost her husband.

They had come to Houston following their eldest, concerned for the way she was literally slipping away. Evelyn had not spoken to them, or her sister, in too long, so Maxwell had found an apartment and suggested they move into it. At first Lyn had agreed, but once she was stuck in that small apartment she could not help but miss having a house, a garden, and friends. Maxwell went out and met people, gained friends. Lyn on the other hand could not manage that, she was just not the type of person who was good at meeting new people.

It was in that way that she had lost her husband. Unlike the more literal way she had lost her eldest. Sure physically Lyn knew that her daughter just lived in an apartment in a building down the street, but mentally Evelyn never seemed to be there anymore. She was either caught up busy with work, or just caught up in her thoughts. Vague answers were often given to explain where she was when Evelyn would just disappear for a few hours. Not that Lyn checked up on Evelyn often, but she had called her apartment or went over there on a few occasions to find that Evelyn was not home. She was always with a friend who Lyn had never seen or met. The behaviour had Lyn concerned, but if she voiced her concern Evelyn just dismissed it insisting that she was fine. Lyn sometimes doubted that there even was a friend, and really Evelyn was just up to something no good that she could not tell her mother.

If it was possible she would have just sent Marion to talk to Evelyn, as if somehow she would talk to a sibling over a parent. But she knew that neither daughter had really seen or spoken to each other in years, so that would be no good. There was also the issue of Marion still being in Chicago, which was 18 hours away. Unlike her sister, Marion had not moved too far away from her childhood home. Evelyn had gone off to Houston to attend one of the many colleges she had gotten into. Lyn would have been grateful that it had still been in the state of Illinois, and was not so far away.

But now that had changed. Now Lyn found herself baking cookies while her husband was out doing who knows what with some of his friends. Evelyn had called sounding off again, wanting to talk to her alone, so Lyn was expecting her to arrive at any minute. Her concern for her daughter growing stronger at every passing minute as she waited for Evelyn to arrive so she could hear whatever it was that Evelyn needed to talk to her about. Hoping that it would be an explanation for at least why Evelyn had sounded so worried and unsure of herself on the phone, if not for the rest of her odd behaviour.

When she finally heard the knock at the door, Lyn had gone to answer it as quickly as she could. “Evelyn.” She hugged her daughter. “How are you? You said you wanted to talk to me about something?” Lyn asked as she released her daughter, allowing her to enter the apartment. Lyn then walked back into the kitchen to take her cookies out, Evelyn following along behind her. When Evelyn asked her to sit down, Lyn looked at her daughter with concern, wondering what she was on about since her words made little sense and only added to her earlier concern. “Just let me set these down first.” She said, referring to the tray of cookies she had taken out of the oven, and was now placing on a cooling rack. They would be fine still on the tray, so she left them and went to sit down in the living room part of the apartment with her daughter. “Can I get you anything? Maybe you want one of the cookies?” She asked as they walked to the living room.

[Evelyn Tierney]

After calling her mother, trying to keep the fear out of her voice, but doubting she fully succeeded, Evelyn had impatiently busied herself with chores while waiting for 9.30 to come, she then had walked down the road to her parents’ apartment. When she knocked on the door, it took her mother very little time to answer, causing Evelyn to wonder if her mother had been impatiently waiting for her arrival because she had heard the fear & worry in her voice on the phone. Not that she would ask or anything, she just wondered. “Mum.” Evelyn hugged her mother back, still trying to keep her mother from hearing the fear in her voice. When she was released from the hug, her mother continued talking as they entered the apartment, heading towards the kitchen. “I’m ok. Fine I mean.” Evelyn answered, before getting straight to her point, basically asking her mother to sit & keep an open mind. Evelyn saw the concerned look her mother gave her, so she gave her mother a weak smile to try reassure her.

Evelyn nodded when her mother asked her to wait as she took some cookies out of her oven. It didn’t surprise her that her mother had been baking, since her mother had always loved cooking. Evelyn watched her mother place the tray of cookies on the cooling tray she had sitting on the bench, before her mother lead in to sit down in the living area. Her mother, being her usual self, of course checked that she didn’t want anything as they walked. “No, really I’m fine, although those cookies did look delicious.” Laughing at the fact her mother had offered her one of the cookies she had just made, considering they would be still hot & it wasn’t like her mother to give her children something hot that could burn them. Or at least that was always been the case when they had been children.

Once she finally had her mother seated, Evelyn sat next to her taking a deep breath. Now that she had made her decision to tell her mother about her feelings for women & her relationship with Olivia, & now that she was actually sitting there with the chance to do it, Evelyn really wished she could chicken out. She of course would have her mother concerned about her, or at least curious about what she wanted to talk to her about though. There was no way she could back out of this & just lie again. Plus this was all so she didn’t have to lie again since she felt so bad every time she did it. Not to mention what she was doing to Olivia, not that she had spoken to her about it, she just presumed that the strange behaviour was because Evelyn’s plan of keeping things secret for as long as possible wasn’t working.

After what could have been a number of minutes of Evelyn’s internal battle, she finally spoke. “Mum, I know this will be a shock to you. I know it was to me when I first worked it out. I would be lying if I said I didn’t try & cover it up. I mean that is obvious since I am only telling you now. I just..It just..Well it really is impossible to deny feelings, especially when you meet someone.” Evelyn knew she was babbling, & stumbling over her words, & should just get to the point, but she just didn’t know how.

Taking another breath she continued to speak. “I also know you & dad have your plans for me. You moving here, you insisting that I date both prove that. But the truth is the reason I’m not interested in dating anyone is because I am dating someone. I am a lesbian, & I have had a girlfriend for almost three & a half years now.” Evelyn finally just said what she had come to say. She could feel the fear running through her as she said the words, & could also hear it in her voice. She also felt weird actually saying the words, never before had she actually put a label on herself, & even now she wasn’t completely sure that the label was correct. All she knew was that she loved Olivia, & somehow calling herself a lesbian just made more sense. At least this way there was no way her parents could use her sexuality against her as she couldn’t just date men if she was a lesbian, unlike if she had said she was bisexual. But now it was out there, all she had to do was wait & see how her mother would react to the news.

[lyn]

When she let Evelyn in, Lyn could still hear the fear in her daughter’s voice. She was unsure of what to think when her daughter stumbled over how she was, first saying she was okay, before correcting that to say she was fine. Lyn did not have the chance to question her more over that though, as Evelyn then went on to ask her to sit down so they could talk about whatever Evelyn had come here to talk about. Evelyn’s weak smile was did little in reassuring Lyn that she really was okay, and whatever she wanted to talk about was nothing to be concerned about. Lyn could not help but fear that her daughter really was doing something which she could not tell her parents, and was hiding from them. Until now anyway.

As they walked to the living area, Lyn had checked to see if her daughter wanted anything. Evelyn said she did not, although the cookies did look delicious. Lyn wanted to insist that Evelyn have some then, but something made her stay quiet and just sit down as her daughter wanted. She presumed that something was the fact that she really just wanted to know what it was her daughter wanted to talk to her about so she could hopefully stop worrying.

Sitting down on the lounge, Lyn watched as her daughter sat next to her. She waited for her daughter to speak, which seemed to take a few minutes. The time it took for Evelyn to finally begin to speak caused Lyn to worry more over what was wrong with her daughter and what she wanted to talk about. There was nothing about Evelyn which was reassuring; her daughter seemed to have fear radiating off from her. She could see it in her eyes, and just in the delay for Evelyn to start speaking. Lyn had no idea what Evelyn had to be scared about, unless she was afraid of how she would react to what it was that Evelyn was going to say to her. Lyn did not want to think about all the things her daughter could say that would make her react negatively though, so she just concentrated on her daughter’s face, waiting for her to begin speaking.

When Evelyn finally did speak though, Lyn could not understand what she was talking to. It was just a bunch of words which Evelyn was babbling with and stumbling over. At first all she got from what Evelyn was saying was that she had met someone, which Lyn could not help but smile over, although she did worry that maybe the boy was someone who would be no good for her daughter which was why she had been keeping this from them. Lyn nodded when Evelyn mentioned that she knew that both Lyn and Maxwell had plans for their daughter, as it was true. She hoped that her daughter would meet someone; that they would marry, and then have children. Evelyn then confirmed that she was dating someone, causing Lyn to smile again. It was the next words though which made Lyn understand her daughter’s previous words that she had babbled with, and to understand why she was afraid and had not told them.

There were many reasons why Lyn was now lost for words. She had been quiet as Evelyn spoke, allowing her daughter to say what she wanted to say. But now that she had heard what it was that Evelyn had come to tell her, she did not know what to say to that. What were you meant to say to a child who just told you they were sinning against God? Looking at her daughter who seemed afraid as she waited for her to respond, Lyn saw what she needed to say. “As long as you are happy I will still be happy for you.” Lyn pulled her daughter in to hug her. Lyn could remember that back when Evelyn had been in university she had told them she no longer believed in God, which made Lyn realise that her daughter was not sinning against God since she could not be sinning against something she did not believe in.

As Lyn held her daughter she thought about how she had said that she had had a girlfriend for over three years. She wondered how long her daughter had been keeping this from her, if it was longer than just those three and a half years, or if it had been longer than that. Pulling away from her daughter enough so that she could look her in the eye, Lyn spoke to her about it. “Evelyn sweetheart, this is not something to be ashamed of. You could have told me sooner. Now you say you have a girlfriend, so do I get to find out about her and meet her at some point, or will I have to wait another three years for that?” Sure Lyn was shocked to find her daughter was a lesbian, and she did not fully accept it, she was going to do everything she could to show her daughter that she still loved her and wanted to be a part of her life, no matter what.

[Evelyn Tierney]

In her silence, wishing she could get out of coming out to her mother, Evelyn didn’t notice her mother watching her, worrying over her some more. She finally did speak, not really knowing what to say or how to say it. Instead of making any sense, she had just babbled. Evelyn saw her mother smile when she said that she had met someone, but couldn’t help but presume that her mother’s happiness for her would disappear as soon as she learned the truth & found out that it wasn’t a man that she had met, but a woman.

Evelyn also saw her mother nod when she said that she knew her parents had plans for her. Of course her mother would agree with that though, as she would know all about those plans. Evelyn just knew they would involve marriage and children, like her sister had already done. She hadn’t really thought about it all though, it wasn’t like it was possible for her anyway. One was against the law, & the other just as impossible, & the idea of having a child with some stranger didn’t completely appeal to Evelyn as much as she loved kids. Yet on the other hand she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Olivia, & she still did wish she could have children; or at least one.

When Evelyn finally came out & said she was a lesbian, she then had to wait a little bit before her mother said anything. Her mother had been quiet as she had said what she needed to say, but now this new silence as her mother processed it was like torture. Evelyn wanted to know if her mother was going to try putting a stop to her relationship with Olivia, if she was going to disown her, or if she would actually accept it. She had no idea which to expect, but the later wasn’t really what she did expect. Her parents believed in God, & here Evelyn was admitting that she sinned against him. How could the response be something good?

However when her mother did respond, pulling her into a hug Evelyn was surprised to hear that her mother would still be happy for her. The way her mother phrased her words though, made Evelyn believe that it was only her mother’s love for her allowing her to accept; that her mother still wouldn’t see it completely as being a good thing. Why that matter though, Evelyn didn’t know. Her mind just was so used to telling her how she shouldn’t tell, that it now was continuing to point out bad things instead of good. Evelyn had no idea what to say in response to her mother, she just returned the hug. She was happy now to have the truth out there though, & happy to hear that at least her mother seemed to be ok with it.

Lyn had then pulled back enough so that Evelyn could look at her mother as she spoke. Evelyn looked down when her mother told her that this wasn’t something to be ashamed of. It made sense that her mother would understand why she had kept this all a secret for so long. For ten years Evelyn hadn’t told anyone about it. It was only after she met Olivia, & saw how she was comfortable with who she was & that not everyone was against it, that Evelyn saw that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t have to hide it. Of course it hadn’t stopped her from doing it, she just became more comfortable with her sexuality, but she still had remained unable to tell her family.

Looking back up at her mother, Evelyn smiled weakly at her before answering her question. “Sorry, yes. I mean of course I would not make you wait another three years just to meet her. That would be silly.” Evelyn took a breath & looked down again, deciding to respond to her mother’s comment about finding out information about her girlfriend. “Her name is Olivia, she is a waitress, & yes she is a few years older than me, but that doesn’t really matter. I have known her for about six years, she has always been a good friend, & she does love & care for me. I know she does.” Evelyn didn’t look back up at her mother until before she said ‘I know she does’. “Maybe you can meet her this afternoon, if you like?” Evelyn suggested, although she had not told Olivia that she was going to do this, so it would be a complete surprise & shock to her.

[lyn]

Lyn had no idea what her silence as she processed her daughter’s sexuality, before coming to the conclusion that she had to do anything to keep her daughter in her life, was doing to Evelyn. If she had, she would have felt bad for causing her daughter to feel as though it was torture, and tried to act quicker. She also had no way of knowing the way her daughter’s mind was analysing things, twisting them around on her. All Lyn hoped was that she was doing and saying the right thing, and from the fact that Evelyn had returned the hug she was presuming that she had, and that she would be able to keep her daughter.

After the initial shock passed, Lyn had pulled back to see what other information she could get out of her daughter just in case her daughter planned or decided to close up on her and start hiding things again. She still was not completely sure of it all, and still did not fully accept it, but it was obvious to her that she could not change things and that if Evelyn was not serious about it and was not happy then she would not be in the relationship she was in, and she would not be here coming out. It was not that Lyn thought that it was something Evelyn should be ashamed about; it just was not something Lyn was completely comfortable with. But that was more due to her beliefs and lack of knowledge, she was sure that over time she would become more comfortable with it. And she planned for there to be time too, as she planned to stand by her daughter, no matter what. Supporting her with this the best she could.

When Evelyn responded it was clear she still was not too sure of things, it showed in her weak smile and in the fact that she was still stumbling over her words. Lyn smiled when Evelyn said that it would be silly to make her wait three years before she could meet Evelyn’s girlfriend. “I’m glad about that, as I do hope you know that I do want to be a part of your life; no matter what.” She tried to reassure her daughter with her response. Lyn wondered now if maybe the mystery friend that Evelyn was often with lately was actually her girlfriend, which made it make sense that she had never seen or met the friend. If Evelyn did not want either of her parents to find out about her sexuality, she most likely was hiding her girlfriend somewhere; making sure they never went anywhere where she may be spotted or found by her parents. It made Lyn sad to think about Evelyn doing that, that their moving here would have caused such behaviour.

Lyn watched sadly as her daughter looked down, listening to her speak about her girlfriend, providing both a name and an occupation. A waitress was not one of the types of jobs that she wanted for her daughter, it was nothing like a doctor or lawyer, or someone else who could take good care of Evelyn. But if this Olivia was who made Evelyn happy, then she was not going to complain. “I am sure she does, what is there not to love?” Lyn said, moving hair which had fallen in her daughter’s face from when she had looked down back out of her face. “What do you mean by a few years older?” It was most likely just because she was her mother, but the age difference that Evelyn had mentioned concerned her. It was not that she thought there was something wrong with an age difference; she just did not like the idea that this Olivia may be closer to her own age than her daughter’s age.

It was then that Evelyn suggested that she could possibly meet her girlfriend that afternoon. Lyn was not too sure how to react or respond to that. Yes she did want to continue being a part of her daughter’s life, yes she did was to meet this girlfriend at some point; but that afternoon? That may be just a little like rushing things, but then again the girlfriend had had three years of waiting to meet the parents so maybe it was not rushing things. Evelyn had also been hiding things for at least three years, so if Lyn did not take this offer now she may not get another one; not soon anyway. Even if Evelyn had said that waiting another three years would be silly, that did not mean she would not change her mind. Nodding, Lyn smiled at her daughter before answering. “That would be nice, if it is possible.” Lyn had added the if possible part just in case Evelyn would have to organise things with Olivia as Lyn doubted that Evelyn had her waiting off somewhere or something.