Coming Out Of The Closet, Or Never In It? [Fox]

[jeremy]

26th April, 2009

It was a Sunday afternoon and quite pleasant weather, given the time of the year, the sun was out, and it was warmer than it had been the past few weeks. Jeremy decided to go for a walk in the local park, he thought he could maybe feed the ducks while he was there. It was one of his favourite things to do. He still wasn't too sure about things in his life.

Apart from being a nerd who loves cartoons, he is also a science and physics nerd and to top that, he wasn't overly sure of his sexuality either. He was sure he liked women, yet he had never had a sexual relationship with one. At the same time, he seemed to get on very well with men, and I mean, very well, catch my drift? Good, you got it.

So, now he was just sitting on a park bench near the pond and throwing bread to the ducks, and working physic quotations through his head.

[fox]

Fox wandered aimlessly through the park, happy at the fact that it was relatively warm and sunny outside for once. It had been a really long, cold, snowy winter, and as much as Fox loved the snow, he was getting to the point where he was ready for it to be spring again. He had taken his jacket off by this point and was wandering along in his t-shirt and jeans, his jacket slung over his shoulder, pondering the current recipe idea he had bouncing around in his head.

He was walking past the duck pond, absently wishing that he had some bread or something to throw to the ducks - he really did like feeding ducks - and then he glanced across the pond, seeing his friend Jeremy sitting on the bench next to the pond, doing nothing other than feeding the ducks.

He bounded around the pond, skidding to a halt next to the park bench and sitting down next to Jeremy. "Hey, mate, how's it going?"

[jeremy]

Jeremy was lost in his thoughts with his equations he almost didn't hear Fox approach him, at least not until he sat down next to him and shouted out to him, causing Jeremy to jump a little. However, he turned around and smiled at his friend.

"Hi Fox, not so bad, just fine, how about yourself?" he asked his friend, as he threw some more bread to the ducks. He had rather a big bag of bread crumbs, as he had managed to tear apart almost a whole loaf of bread. Jeremy did that you see, it wasn't just one or two slices, he bought an actual small loaf of bread to feed the ducks.

"Want some?" he asked, as he passed the bag over to Fox so he could take some and feed the ducks with him.

Fox was like one of Jeremy's best friends, yet he couldn't even talk his problem over with him, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't know where to begin.

[fox]

Fox grinned back at Jeremy. "I'm fabulous today!" he said enthusiastically. "I love that it's getting towards spring, I was getting seriously tired of all this winter weather." There really had been a lot of snow this winter and Fox was looking forward to spring a lot.

Jeremy offered the bag of bread crumbs towards Fox and Fox grinned again. There was something just so...satisfying about feeding ducks. He wasn't sure what, he just really enjoyed it. "Thanks!" he said, taking a handful of bread crumbs. Neither of them said anything for a while, but it wasn't awkward or anything - they had known each other for long enough that they could sit in silence without it being uncomfortable. Fox was happy just to sit there and feed the ducks with his best friend Jeremy.

After a while, though, Fox spoke again. "So what have you been up to today, Jeremy?"

[jeremy]

Jeremy couldn't help but grin at his friend Fox's enthusiasm, but he had a valid point, Spring was much better than Winter. Jeremy much preferred the warmer weather, and the sooner they got that constantly for a few months the better. "Glad to hear you're well" Jeremy said in his softer voice, "and I agree, nice to have good weather" he added, as he looked out across the pond as he fed the ducks.

"You're welcome" he replied as Fox thanked him for the bag of bread he gave him to feed the ducks also. So it was that they both sat in comfortable silence for a few moments as they continued to feed the ducks. It was nice, Jeremy liked just sitting, chilling, and feeding the ducks, he felt it very therapeutic.

Fox asked him what he had been up to, now that was a question for him to ask. He hadn't been up to very much other than try to figure out his god damn sexuality. He was curious and so he couldn't help but ask the question he eventually came out and asked him.

"I've not been doing much" he began as he answered Fox's question and then began to think about asking Fox one of his own. "Fox, when you realised you were, you know" he was struggling to find the right words here without making himself look stupid and making Fox uncomfortable, although with Fox, Jeremy wasn't sure he could ever make him feel uncomfortable.

"What I mean is, how did you know that you weren't attracted to women?" he finally stammered over his question giving Fox a weak smile. He knew he was probably going to be in for some teasing now, but he figured he didn't really care.

[fox]

Fox looked over at Jeremy as he started to ask something, stumbling over his words and pausing. Then out came the question that Fox really wasn't surprised to hear. He had been able to tell for a little while now that Jeremy was confused about his sexuality - he had never said anything about it, but there was something that Fox could just tell about him.

Fox leaned back on the bench, thinking for a minute. He wasn't sure exactly when he had realized that he wasn't attracted to women. His first kiss had been with a girl - he was sixteen - but he remembered thinking that there was something not...well, let's just say he didn't see fireworks. But at the time he had thought she just wasn't the right girl. It took him a while longer to figure out that he was never going to find the right girl. And he hadn't even told his parents until right before he went to college.

"I was probably about...sixteen or seventeen when I actually figured it out," Fox said aloud, looking at Jeremy. "It was a bit longer before I actually told anyone about it, though."

[jeremy]

Jeremy was actually embarrassed about asking his good friend about when he came out the closet, but he was so confused about himself, he needed to get some answers from somewhere, and asking his good friend Fox about it, seemed like the best choice. Thing was, the more Jeremy looked at Fox, or more to say, tried to avoid making eye contact with him, the more he seemed to do it. See Jeremy was sort of finding himself suddenly attracted to Fox and that was in itself confusing him because Fox was his friend, but Fox was also gay.

Jeremy just wanted to bang his head off a wall right at this moment as he waited for his friend to answer his question. He actually felt himself biting down on his bottom lip slightly, because he was so tempted to try and prove his own point about his sexuality and just damn well kiss Fox, but he refrained holding back. After all, Fox could be in a relationship for all he knew, right?

When Fox did answer his question Jeremy wondered why it had taken him so long to find out about his confused sexuality. Should he have been like Fox and known a lot sooner? Or was it more a case of he'd always known really but tried to hide behind it?

"Right" he said simply, as he then put his hands together and started playing with him, as if he was squeezing a wet cloth. "So, if I were you know.." he tried stammering again, "gay, I should have known about it a lot sooner than now?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow, desperate to look at Fox, but trying not to at the same time. "I mean, is it wrong for me to only be realising this now?" he added, realising he was putting a lot of pressure on his friend, but at the same time feeling he couldn't really help it either.

[fox]

Fox looked at Jeremy, happy that his friend was trying to figure out his sexuality. He had known Jeremy for quite some time now, but in the more recent past, Fox had found himself actually attracted to Jeremy, but hadn't wanted to say anything, since he hadn't been sure if Jeremy was, in fact, also gay.

Fox wasn't really what you'd call an expert on this, but he hoped he'd be able to be of some help to Jeremy, since he had already been through this immensely long and confusing journey himself. Fox couldn't help but smile as Jeremy bit on his lower lip, thinking intensely. He just looked so bloody cute, looking all pensive like that.

"Oh, no, definitely not," Fox responded, shaking his head. "I've talked to people who are middle-aged now and they only figured it out in the last few years." He grinned at Jeremy. "I was just one of the ones who figured it out early in life."

[jeremy]

Jeremy wondered what was going through his friend's mind when he went quiet, it worried him and intrigued him at the same time. He couldn't stop side glancing at his friend, friend who was he kidding, he realised he was really attracted to Fox and it was embarrassing him in a way.

When Fox did speak and confirmed that he knew of a lot of people in their middle ages who didn't realise their sexuality early made him feel a little more comfortable. The grin he gave Jeremy wasn't doing anything to help his situation though, because he was growing more and more attracted to his friend.

"Right, I see" Jeremy stammered, and then looked away from Fox again, he couldn't keep looking at him, because the more he looked at him the more attracted he was getting to him. "I wish I had realised a lot sooner" he mumbled softly, not even sure if Fox would have heard him.

Then not being able to keep check of his emotions for much longer, he turned back round to face Fox, staring into his eyes, and biting on his bottom lip again, and then not wasting another moment, so confused and frustrated with himself and the situation he lunged forward and smacked his lips against Fox kissing him, making it linger for a few seconds, and then quickly pulling back.

"I..I..I'm..." he stammered over his words as he stood up from the bench, and began to walk away, stumbling over his feet, "Sorry... Fox... I'm..." he shouted back, trailing off, as he tried to get away from the scene as fast as possible.

[fox]

Jeremy appeared to be thinking intently again after Fox told him that there was nothing wrong with not having figured out his sexuality by this point, and then he mumbled something that Fox couldn't quite make out. Fox reached into the bag of bread crumbs, continuing to feed the ducks as Jeremy seemingly formulated what he was trying to say next, glancing over occasionally. He was just so...cute! Fox had liked him for some time now, but he hadn't wanted to say anything, hadn't wanted to freak out Jeremy or pressure him into anything.

Then Jeremy turned to face Fox, and Fox looked into Jeremy's deep dark brown eyes, seeing the confusion and thought on his face, almost smiling as Jeremy did that cute biting-his-lip thing. Then Jeremy did something that Fox had never expected. He leaned forward and kissed him right on the lips, pulling away after a few seconds.

Fox grinned with astonishment and happiness, but Jeremy had such a stricken look on his face that he seemed not to notice, and before Fox knew it, Jeremy was standing up, fumbling over an apology, and running away from the scene. Fox jumped to his feet. "Jeremy!" he yelled. "Hey, Jeremy!" He ran after Jeremy, his long legs letting him catch up to him fairly quickly. He took a hold of Jeremy's shoulder, looking into his eyes again. "Don't apologize," Fox said sincerely, then taking Jeremy's face in his hands and kissing him again, not even noticing the other people in the park.

[jeremy]

Jeremy was so confused, he didn't know what he was doing, didn't know what he had done. He knew Fox was gay, and he had wondered for some time if he were gay also, but he had never been quite sure until he actually sat and looked at Fox. That was when he realised that maybe he was gay, and then after he had spontaneously kissed him and had actually enjoyed it, even though he was embarrassed over what he had done, he realised that he was gay for sure.

However he had chosen that moment through embarrassment to run away from Fox, stumbling over his words and his feet. But seconds later he heard Fox yelling his name. At first Jeremy was still too embarrassed to stop for fear of what Fox would actually say to him. However, he had soon caught up with him and Jeremy felt Fox's hand on his shoulder which sent a few shivers running down his spine.

Jeremy turned round to face him with a red face and biting on his lip again, he really didn't know what Fox was going to say to him, but he felt he could smile a little when Fox said he didn't have to apologise. "I don't?" he asked, but then he felt his face in Fox's hands and then his lips were against his kissing him. This time nothing held Jeremy back as he kissed him back with quite a bit of passion behind it. After a minute or so Jeremy gently pulled back and just looked at Fox and could only think of one word "Wow!"

[fox]

Fox was relieved when Jeremy didn't pull away from the kiss, but just kissed him back. After some time, when Jeremy finally gently pulled away from Fox, Fox looked into Jeremy's dark brown eyes, seeing the happiness sparkling in his face. He grinned his trademark smile, reaching forward and taking both of Jeremy's hands in his. He leaned in closer, resting his head against Jeremy's. "You don't know how long I've waited to do that," Fox said softly, running his hand lightly against Jeremy's face.

Fox had liked Jeremy for some time now, and he had had a sneaking suspicion that Jeremy was gay, too, but he hadn't wanted to make Jeremy uncomfortable or pressure him into anything - Jeremy was much more shy and reserved than Fox and Fox didn't want to scare him away or anything. But just now, he hadn't been able to stop himself and he was glad that Jeremy was fine with that.

Fox was aware of several passersby in the park staring at the two of them, but he ignored them. By now he had gotten used to the strange looks he got sometimes when he was out with someone, and he hardly ever noticed anymore. Keeping his hand resting lightly on Jeremy's face, he leaned forward and kissed him again.

[jeremy]

After the kiss, Jeremy was certain of how he felt now. He wasn't attracted to women, he was attracted to men, and the kiss he just shared with Fox whom he thought was a good friend only proved what he knew deep down. Only now it was weird that it was his good friend he seemed to be attracted to. His worries soon vanished however when Fox pressed his head against Jeremy's and said he had been waiting to do that for a long time.

Jeremy allowed a small smile to form on his face, he was still feeling somewhat overwhelmed by it all. "Really? I thought, I... I mean, I.. I thought you were just a friend, I mean, I thought you thought I was just a friend." Jeremy stumbled over his words so much he was starting to give himself a headache.

This was all very strange and new to Jeremy, what did this mean for their friendship? Were the officially now a couple? It was all too confusing for poor Jeremy to take in and understand. The fact Fox's hand was on his face was driving Jeremy nuts, as it was making his skin tingle, but Fox was just his friend, or so he thought. Then Fox leaned in to kiss him again. Again Jeremy kissed Fox back, but he was still very confused. Not so much about his sexuality, but Fox was his friend. Now it seemed he was more than a friend.

[fox]

Fox smiled. "You've always been my friend, Jeremy, but I've liked you, I mean, like liked you for a while," he said. Fox was glad that all this was finally out in the open. He had been suppressing his feelings for quite some time now, and it was a relief to be able to speak his mind freely.

"So..." Fox said, finally pulling away from Jeremy and taking a deep breath, grabbing a hold of Jeremy's hand as they started to wander through the park again. "Are we a couple now? Are we Fox and Jeremy?" he asked dramatically. "That sounds like a musical group," he laughed. "Actually, this whole thing feels like we're in a musical!"

[jeremy]

Jeremy was still trying to take in everything which had happened in the past few moments. From being confused by his sexuality to being almost sure of it, to being in his best friend's arms. It was a little much for Jeremy to take in. Even when Fox explained that he had always been his friend but he had like liked him for some time now Jeremy still felt a little unsure about things. What if he wasn't really gay? What if he and Fox had an argument, wouldn't that ruin the friendship they had? Jeremy was almost certain he didn't want to lose his friend, but he was after that kiss, pretty certain about his sexuality now.

"Right...well...I'm glad I've always been your friend, but I, I mean I didn't have, uhm, any idea, you know? And I'm uhm, still a little unsure about how I uhm you know feel?" He said, as he struggled with his words as always. His brain was trying to think of too many things and it was quite simply driving Jeremy insane right at this moment.

Of course Jeremy felt really bad now, because he was the one who had initiated the kiss in the first place. Then Fox pulled away and took his hand asking if they were now a couple, and that's when Jeremy began to relax a little more. Then he asked if they were Fox and Jeremy and how it sounded like a musical. Jeremy laughed a little. Then shaking himself mentally he realised that he wouldn't be helping the situation by being so confused and dramatic about things. "I'm sorry about before, I guess I just took took myself... by you know uhm surprise?" He said trying to make up for his earlier statement of not being sure of how he felt. "I guess we're Fox and Jeremy." Then he laughed a little, and actually turned to look at Fox and smiled, "I like that, but what musical would it be? One of the classics, or our very own specially named musical?" Jeremy asked, getting over struggling with his words, it was like now he was almost sure of his feelings, and that he was with Fox, everything else seemed to vanish.